LOW T OPERATORS

• Rotator cuff tear — shoulder
• Adductor longus tear — groin
• Acetabular labral tear — hip
• Plantar fasciitis — bilateral

Founded this outfit in 2000 and has been here every year since. Carries the longest injury manifest on the roster and has never once cited it as a reason. Same sensitivity, same keybinds, functionally the same brain he had in 2000.

Co‑founder. Carries a number of minor injuries. We do not talk about them, he does not bring them up, and the matter is considered closed. Will not queue after 1600 on principle. Definitely an excellent driver. Definitely Kmart.

The unit is named in his honor. He was not consulted about this and has never formally accepted it. Goes to a gym, mentions it, and still holds the lowest recorded reading in unit history — a contradiction the Command Council has declined to investigate. Groin is recurring and non‑negotiable.

Youngest of the bunch and the only functioning combatant this unit fields. Injury manifest is empty, which the Command Council regards as a matter of time rather than an achievement. Twenty‑one years and nobody has successfully given him a nickname — fourteen attempts are documented, none survived a week.

The sole reason SOP 3 exists. Rib injury sustained in 2011 during an unsupervised solo flexibility attempt; he was reaching for something. Circumstances are recorded in a sealed annex and the Command Council has twice voted not to unseal it. Has laughed through every significant moment in unit history, generally at the worst available time.

Twenty‑one years in and still carries "noob" in the callsign. It was assigned in week one and the unit has never revisited it. Responsible for 61% of all friendly fire in unit history, a figure the unit has stopped disputing.

The one who says he will actually be on, and then actually is. Twenty‑one years without a single "sorry, something came up." The unit has never adjusted to this and continues to treat each occurrence as an anomaly worth remarking on.